Tommy burgers of the world

LET’S TAKE A TOUR of the Tommy burgers of the world.

Tommy’s Double Cheeseburger (without pickles) is the Tommy burger of everything.

Los Tacos No. 1’s adobada tacos (with everything, on flour tortillas) are the Tommy burgers of tacos.

Xi’an Famous Foods’ N1 Spicy Cumin Lamb Noodles (when they’re not served too watery) are the Tommy burgers of noodles.

And Tommy’s Chili Cheese Fries are the Tommy burgers of chili cheese fries.

These are the known Tommy burgers of the world.

(But what is the Tommy burger for what?)

THERE’S LEX LUTHOR, Auric Goldfinger, Danny Ocean, Bernie Madoff, and Cobra Commander. And then there’s Jack Handey:

The plan isn’t foolproof. For it to work, certain things must happen:

—The door to the vault must have accidentally been left open by the cleaning woman.

—The guard must bend over to tie his shoes and somehow he gets all the shoelaces tied together. He can’t get them apart, so he takes out his gun and shoots all his bullets at the knot. But he misses. Then he just lies down on the floor and goes to sleep.

—Most of the customers in the bank must happen to be wearing Nixon masks, so when we come in wearing our Nixon masks it doesn’t alarm anyone. . . .

More criminal genius here.