What if God is water —
He’s gonna be pissed about how much
I just wasted zoning out in the shower.
What if God is a banana god
And He resents me for all the ones I’ve eaten
And all the ones I let rot.
What if God is meaner than Santa Claus
And turns our souls into something worse than coal.
What if God is a duck.
We could make all this into a book or a song,
A meeting, one day a week,
A celebration of doom, the last date in our calendars.
I don’t have any evidence one way or another
But I do believe in the miracle of indoor plumbing —
A toilet that swooshes my badness into a hole
And out to the ocean.
And I have just enough faith
To fear all of this.
(Originally published at tilde.club/~fpants.)